There has been a lot of buzz (blogs) about the subject of stay-at-home moms.
I do not despise the idea, and if a mother has the opportunity to stay at home with her children, I say, "Go for it."
But I am dealing with struggles because I did not start there.
I started out a single mom who had to work to support her child. I then married and had two more children. I continued working to support my family (children) and contribute to the household.
Then there was a divorce and I found myself single again supporting three children.
Before I knew it, 22 years slipped by, and then my job was sent over seas. I am now forced into the stay-at-home role (unwillingly).
While I was working 50 to 60 hours a week I was battling the test of time. I had a household to maintain and a job to maintain. I spent a lot of days with very little sleep because I prioritized my time. Children, household duties, and job. That is the correct order, right? Well, that's the way I did it....
Now that I am in the stay-at-home role, I am having a hard time managing my time. I feel lost, confused, and unworthy. Maybe I feel like I don't have the need to accomplish things because I am not running against the clock anymore.
As I was working the long hours, I often wished for a stay-at-home position. Now I curse myself for ever thinking that way.
The lack of sleep was well worth the time with my children. They have all grown up into fine, dependable, and hard-working adults.
Would I choose a stay-at-home position over a job? No, I wouldn't. I can manage myself better knowing that I am worth something, and I can beat that nasty thing they call "time".
Take a look at this:
1 year and 5 months unemployed has lead me to this:
Do you see any organization there?
A year and five months ago my desk would not have looked like that.
A year and 5 months ago you would not have found a single dirty dish in my kitchen sink.
A year and five months ago you would not have seen one single piece of laundry cluttering the top of my washer and dryer.
A year and five months ago you would not have a seen a speck of dust in my house.
Do you see that?
Dust build-up on flower wall hangings.
A year and five months ago you would not have seen that.
What is my problem?
What is my major malfunction?
Why can't I get it together?
Why do I have to be pressed for time to get anything accomplished?
Why do I feel like I am not worthy?
To feel complete, I have to battle the test of time.....Why?
"He went a little farther. Then he fell with his face to the ground. He prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering away from me. But let what you want be done, not what I want."" Matthew 26:39