Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Time, Management, and Orgainization

There has been a lot of buzz (blogs) about the subject of stay-at-home moms.

I do not despise the idea, and if a mother has the opportunity to stay at home with her children, I say, "Go for it."

But I am dealing with struggles because I did not start there.

I started out a single mom who had to work to support her child. I then married and had two more children. I continued working to support my family (children) and contribute to the household.

Then there was a divorce and I found myself single again supporting three children.

Before I knew it, 22 years slipped by, and then my job was sent over seas. I am now forced into the stay-at-home role (unwillingly).

While I was working 50 to 60 hours a week I was battling the test of time. I had a household to maintain and a job to maintain. I spent a lot of days with very little sleep because I prioritized my time. Children, household duties, and job. That is the correct order, right? Well, that's the way I did it....

Now that I am in the stay-at-home role, I am having a hard time managing my time. I feel lost, confused, and unworthy. Maybe I feel like I don't have the need to accomplish things because I am not running against the clock anymore.

As I was working the long hours, I often wished for a stay-at-home position. Now I curse myself for ever thinking that way.
The lack of sleep was well worth the time with my children. They have all grown up into fine, dependable, and hard-working adults.

Would I choose a stay-at-home position over a job? No, I wouldn't. I can manage myself better knowing that I am worth something, and I can beat that nasty thing they call "time".

Take a look at this:

1 year and 5 months unemployed has lead me to this:

Do you see any organization there?

A year and five months ago my desk would not have looked like that.

A year and 5 months ago you would not have found a single dirty dish in my kitchen sink.

A year and five months ago you would not have seen one single piece of laundry cluttering the top of my washer and dryer.

A year and five months ago you would not have a seen a speck of dust in my house.

Do you see that?
Dust build-up on flower wall hangings.
A year and five months ago you would not have seen that.

What is my problem?

What is my major malfunction?

Why can't I get it together?

Why do I have to be pressed for time to get anything accomplished?

Why do I feel like I am not worthy?

To feel complete, I have to battle the test of time.....Why?

"He went a little farther. Then he fell with his face to the ground. He prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering away from me. But let what you want be done, not what I want."" Matthew 26:39


  1. I think all women go through this type of mind-set, whether at home or at work. Women who work outside the home often feel guilty for being away so much and women who work inside the home struggle with feelings of unworthiness, as you stated.

    Personally, because I left school with only a few semesters left to graduate to see my husband through law school and raise our children, I feel a since of UN-accomplishment. But, I know I will finish in due time and RIGHT NOW, in the present, all I can do is do my best at my current role (which I think trumps any job outside the home in terms of importance).

    If you haven't already, maybe try serving in some capacity. Service always makes me feel more important and the people you serve will be touched by the generosity.

    PS...I let things go sometimes, too. That's just part of staying home, I think. You always have "later" to do it. Don't be so hard on yourself, though. It will get done when it gets done!

  2. Thank you so much Jen. I thought I was alone in this dilemma. I am currently serving in my local church as administrative assistant, and yes, my service has helped tremendously. The church family really appreciates everything I do. Thank you again Jen for your kind words and advice.

  3. Unworthy? Not in the least! You just need to find your worth in different things now - I know it's hard to find your 'groove' when you've done other things for so long, but I think you are headed uphill. I'm with Jen in a big way - DON'T be so hard on yourself...give yourself a break!!

    Just cause you can't come up with a post every day is NOT a big deal...don't let it become one OK?

    God has you right where He wants you to be right now....relax and enjoy the changes. How wonderful you're not having to beat the clock anymore....I know it's gotta be tough to not have the same kind of routines.....but you CAN do this!

    Think of all the things you CAN do now that you couldn't before! You wouldn't have had time to work at the church, nor spend more time with your family as you do now.

    You make me smile - I know you want to be all you can....sometimes we have to learn to stop and appreciate the speed bumps that fall in front of us.

    A verse comes to mind to share with you...Phil. 4:11 - go ahead, look it up...and read the verses preceeding it too - they speak loudly to me, and trust they minister to your heart today. XO

  4. Thank you Marsha. And here is one for both of you:
    "But it was good of you to share in my troubles." Philippians 4:14
    Now I know just where to turn.

  5. Angie my friend... I can so relate... been out of work for work 8 months and about to go crazy!!! I think my house was way better when I was working... I seem to have gotten so much more done... I had to laugh at your dishes...in the past I wouldn't have dreamed about going to bed with a dish in the sink...now geesh let's just say they get done everyday, but sometimes in the morning and sometimes at night when everyone is in bed... I have learned that my life isn't better if my house is spotless (even tho I really want it that way..sigh)
    I am with you it seems that my worth is wrapped up in what I accomplish which I think is the over-perfectionist in me. I have come to the conclusion that life is short and live, love & eat... the rest of the stuff will fall into place.... Good post and you are doing just fine.... :) you have good friends who love you... xoxox

  6. You are such a supportive and understanding person Joelle. I wish we lived closer to each other. I totally understand about life being short and a person shouldn't "sweat the small stuff", but sometimes it's hard to keep order. I felt so much more organized when I was on the clock. Now I have the attitude of, "I always have tomorrow", and things have gotten out of hand. Just feeling a little overwhelmed and I have vented on my blog....


I look forward to and appreciate any comments.
Thank you for stopping by.


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